It is 4 am and I can hear the rain pouring outside, as I lie on my bed, unable to sleep. I have to give a presentation in 4 hours. But right now is an intimate moment for me, for I have all my thoughts to myself. It is one of those few times, when I am completely honest with myself, in the way I think. And I am thinking of you.
It’s been 6 months since we last talked. It’s been a couple of years since we’ve last met. And time passed by, as our lives pass by. And in this fleeting passage of life, most days are perfectly normal. Good, even. But every once in a couple of months, comes a day which is not normal. It is a day when I miss you. Or maybe I miss what we had. Or maybe I’m just lonely. It is in one of those moments, when I realise that I don’t know you anymore, but I still love you.
Today, is that day. Maybe some years down the line, we will run into each other in a coffee shop, and things will be different then. Maybe that’s what future holds for us. Maybe not.
4 am and loneliness isn't a very good combination. You overestimate the power of fate, as you make up scenarios in your mind. It is a time of possibilities, but as I always realise the next day, there is no possibility. We can never be. It was just my mind playing games. To give someone a ray of hope, of something they want the most, only to take it away, is a cruel game to play.
Being a romantic at heart, I use to feel ‘special’, that every once in a while, I get to spend some moments with you, even if it is just in my mind. But with time I have realised, it’s not special at all. It’s terrible. There is no poetry in sadness. If you see poetry in sadness, my friend, you are new to heartbreak. At most, poetry is just an escape from sadness.
And I have escaped from this sadness, temporarily, for it is 5 am now, the rain has stopped and I have done writing this. I have a long day ahead to survive, and hopefully, to live..
I'll Live..
